Counselor's Corner
Ms. Kotlewski, LCPC, School Counselor
February Newsletter
Raising Confident Children
Naturally, parents want to instill a can-do attitude in their kids so that they'll bravely take on new challenges and, over time, believe in themselves. While each child is a little different, parents can follow some general guidelines to build kids' confidence.
Self-confidence rises out of a sense of competence. In other words, kids develop confidence not because parents tell them they're great, but because of their achievements, big and small. Sure, it's good to hear encouraging words from mom and dad. But words of praise mean more when they refer to a child's specific efforts or new abilities.
When kids achieve something, whether it's brushing their own teeth or riding a bike, they get a sense of themselves as able and capable, and tap into that high-octane fuel of confidence. Building self-confidence can begin very early. When babies learn to turn the pages of a book or toddlers learn to walk, they are getting the idea "I can do it!" With each new skill and milestone, kids can develop increasing confidence. Parents can help by giving kids lots of opportunities to practice and master their skills, letting kids make mistakes and being there to boost their spirits so they keep trying. Respond with interest and excitement when kids show off a new skill, and reward them with praise when they achieve a goal or make a good effort.
With plentiful opportunities, good instruction, and lots of patience from parents, kids can master basic skills — like tying their shoes and making the bed. Then, when other important challenges present themselves, kids can approach them knowing that they have already been successful in other areas.
Stay on the Sidelines
Of course, supervision is important to ensure that kids stay safe. Give kids the opportunity to try something new, make mistakes, and learn from them.
For instance, if your son wants to learn how to make a peanut butter sandwich, demonstrate, set up the ingredients, and let him give it a try. Will he make a bit of a mess? Almost certainly. But don't swoop in the second some jelly hits the countertop. In fact, avoid any criticism that could discourage him from trying again. If you step in to finish the sandwich, your son will think, "Oh well, I guess I can't make sandwiches." But if you have patience for the mess and the time it takes to learn, the payoff will be real. Someday soon he'll be able to say, "I'm hungry for lunch, so I'm going to make my own sandwich." You might even reply, "Great, can you make me one, too?" What a clear sign of your faith in his abilities!
Offer Encouragement and Praise
Sometimes, it won't be you swooping in when your child falters, but your child giving up. Help by encouraging persistence in the midst of frustration. By trying again, kids learn that obstacles can be overcome.
Once kids reach a goal, you'll want to praise not only the end result but also their willingness to stick with it. For instance, after your son has mastered making that peanut butter sandwich you might show your confidence by saying, "Next time, want to learn how to crack an egg?" Sandwich-fixing and egg-cracking might not seem like huge achievements, but they're important steps in the right direction — toward your child's independence.
D’Arcy Lyness, PhD Date reviewed: January 2007
Remember:
- February’s character trait is RESPECT
- Treat others the way you would like to be treated.
- Respect means you speak and act with kindness, consideration for yourself and others.
- Elders deserve respect because of their long life and their wisdom.
- Self respect is achieved by doing what is good , honest and right and by treating others fairly.
- Remind your child/ren of the importance of self respect, which means you care about yourself and your rights as a person.
- Model respect though the way you speak and your actions.
Parent Resources
Feb. 11, 3:00 - 4:30 PM. Monthly Downcounty Latino Network Meeting (2nd Wed., 3:00 - 4:30 PM). Demonstration of Spanish language mediation services offered by the Conflict Resolution Center of Montgomery County. Participation from all community members welcomed. Impact Silver Spring, 501 Sligo Ave., Silver Spring. Downcounty Latino Network, RSVP Karla Silvestre, Karla.Silvestre@montgomerycountymd.gov, 240-777-2525.
Feb. 12, 7:00 - 8:30 PM. Summer Opportunities. More than 35 local and regional providers of fun and educational programs will be on hand for parents of students in kindergarten through 12. Parents and students can pick up applications and get information on financial assistance. Richard Montgomery High School, 240 Richard Montgomery Dr., Rockville. Sponsored by MCPS Parent Academy, 301-279-3100, http://montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/familycommunity/templates/default.aspx?id=43940.
Feb. 17, 7:00 - 9:00 PM. Working Together to Build A Safer Community for Our Children. Come hear from local experts about the current youth violence and gang trends in our community, local resources working to address the issue and strategies parents can use to help make our youth and community safer . Albert Einstein High School, 11135 Newport Mills Rd., Kensington. Sponsored by Albert Einstein High School PTSA, Emily Sudbrink, ee.sudbrink@verizon.net.
Feb. 17, 7:15 - 8:30 PM. Assessing and Treating Childhood Anxiety Disorders, $25. Dr. Bonnie Zucker, author of “Anxiety-Free Kids: An Interactive Guide for Parents and Children” will discuss how anxiety can affect your child at home and at school. Strategies to help your child learn to cope will be presented. Har Shalom Early Childhood Education Center, 11510 Falls Rd., Potomac. Offered as part of the Parent Academy Series by the Har Shalom Early Childhood Education Center and Early Intervention Associates ($25/sessions, $20/sessions registering for 4 or more, $120/7 sessions), 301-468-9343, aries453@aol.com.
Feb. 18, 7:00 PM. SuperBrain Yoga: How Yoga Can Help Development, $15/pre-register; $20/at the door. Learn how yoga can help your child connect to his potential. National Speech/Language Therapy Center, 5606 Shields Dr., Bethesda. Hosted by the National Speech/Language Therapy Center, 301-493-0023, contact@nationalspeech.com.
Feb. 19, 6:00 - 8:00 PM. Exploring the Moon - NASA Family Night. Families with middle school students will experience firsthand what it takes to explore a new environment and make decisions to keep themselves safe on the moon. Goddard Space Flight Center, Visitor Center, ICESat Rd, Greenbelt. Sponsored by the NASA Goddard Space Flight Visitor Center, Andy Wolt, 301-286-3912, http://sdo.gsfc.nasa.gov/epo/families/fsn.php. Registration required.
Feb. 20, 7:30 - 9:30 PM. They’re At It Again: When Siblings Fight - Open Forum Counseling Demonstration. ($11/person; $16/couple; $5/child (9 & up); $25/family; free/PEP member. For family members ages 9 and up. PEP, 10100 Connecticut Ave., Kensington. Offered by the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP), registration required, 301-929-8824, www.parentencouragement.org/.
Feb. 21, 10:00 AM - 12:00 PM. W.I.S.E. UP!, $75/family. Workshop for parents and children (grades 1-6) to learn how to manage the questions and comments of others about their adoption. 4000 Blackburn La., Suite 260, Burtonsville. Offered by the Center for Adoption Support and Education, Valerie, 301-476-8525, caseadopt@adoptionsupport.org, www.adoptionsupport.org. Registration required.
Feb. 23 - Mar. 9, 7:30 - 9:30 PM. Managing Anger: A Parent’s Guide ($81/person; $139/couple; $70/PEP member; $129/PEP couple). For parents of children ages 5 - 18. Learn why children engage in disrespectful talk, as well as strategies for reducing backtalk and building stronger relationships. Washington Ethical Society, 7750 16th St., NW, Washington, D.C. Offered by the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP), registration required, 301-929-8824, www.parentencouragement.org/.
Feb. 24 - May 5, 7:00 - 8:30 PM. Raising Your Challenging Child: A Parent Training Program with Dan Shapiro, $500/family. A 10 session interactive program that helps parents identify the source of their child’s behavior and what they can do about it. 11705 Magruder La., Rockville. Presented by Dr. Dan Shapiro, 301-881-6855, drdanshapiro@gmail.com.
Feb. 25, 7:15 - 9:15 PM. Late, Lost and Unprepared: Helping Children and Teens Build Better Executive Functioning - CHADD Speaker Meeting, (4th. Wed., 7:15 PM, registration; 7:30 - 9:15 PM, Speaker). Presenter Joyce Cooper-Kahn, Ph.D. will focus on what parents and teachers can do to support kids with organizational weaknesses and to help build better executive skills in the long run. Twinbrook Library, 202 Meadow Hall Dr., Rockville. Sponsored by CHADD of MC, www.chadd-mc.org. *Check website/email for topic and Speaker. (Also, Mar. 25, April 22, May 27, 2009)
Feb. 26, 3:00 - 7:00 PM. Ask MCPS. Drop by for coffee and conversation. Have your questions answered and pick up tips on how to support learning at home. MCPS Dept. of Family and Community Partnerships, 451 Hungerford Rd., Suite 508, Rockville. Sponsored by the MCPS Office of Communications and Family Outreach, 301-279-3100.